sore throats and hoarse screams, newly bought progressions into insanity and past haunts, you're too late, tonight i'm gone, and too many whys for me to count. too many questions for you to see and answer for me. how many times must i repeat these same sayings before it gets through to me that it's never getting through to you?

it's sad when i don't even know who who is.

shame on you for thinking that's all i was ever good for, same on you for thinking me more than i was. as though i could ever fly on gossamer wings, regardless of what you tried to build. don't cast them on me because they didn't work on you, that's not my place.

angry black nails scratching black boards down your back, objects of my interest swaying as easily as i do, standing in the middle of this blue room and seeing it spin. dizzying colours, will you hold my hair back when i puke? kissing toilet seats again, like i always did, a foreign, drunken hand stroking the back of my neck and i don't care enough to pick my face off the floor. i'd rather wait here for you to step on it, maybe then the lines in my face would mean something. so take your ancient shoes, lovely lace ups, and watch my eyes flutter, panic-striken like pigeons while you press down hard, and remember black dresses with lace up backs that were too easily strewn on the floor when no one else was looking. a day of worship and international solemnity while we laugh and pretend like the world doesn't know what we're doing. they really don't, the sad part. so kiss me between the pages of this book, a stolen glance while the piano bars flow freely. this won't last long enough, won't finish out the song. pages lay unturned, broken prom corsages and shamrocks pressed in the back, forgotten. coated in blood, green ooze flowing truer than nature, smile pretty again, these are the years that stay with you forever. these are the years that you remember forever, these are the years that i wish i could forget.

the years that i wish that i could cry in blankets everywhere, the days where i smile so hard it hurts, and hurt so hard that i smile. hair spray wounds until i can't do any better, clothe myself in gauze dresses and garbage bags, it's all the rage, darlin', won't you come and join me?

bring me to my knees and i'll keep coming back for more, your food is good and i've too much of an appetite to satiate. i haven't anything to save myself with, so, you, lovely messiah, can take that burden off my hands. it was never suited there, anyways.