me and travis have been on the rocks for awhile now, and i s'pose that my actions have only added to them. i guess it was wrong of me to have pushed it. he doesn't seem like the type of guy that would be affected by that, though. he was so hesitant. it was so far away from what it should have been that i doubt it even counts. whatever.

was i so wrong?

what have i done that *was* so wrong? not with him, whatever, it's an adolescent relationship and i know that it's not going anywhere. i'm just denying the inevitable, of him getting into amy's pants, 'cause she's already in him. whatever. while that bothers me, it's not quite the crisis situation in and of itself. whatever.

rugby... sigh. it started to take my mind off of everything, until it began to, again, remind me of my lowly status on the social hierarchy of *everything*. why am i behaving like such a spoiled brat? this is disgusting. i am disgusting.

shit's just falling on my again and... i d'know. i just can't suck it up. i'm being so childish that i feel that i should be shot. this is *so* disgusting. aejklwhiajgh!

"Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person, and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much? So much it's like choking down the embers of a great blaze. It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds. You let this one person come down on the most perfect moment. And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have.. I'll never have.. I'll never... Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in... standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in. But this table for one has become bearable. I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you. Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much? So much it's like choking down the embers of a great place. It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds. And you let this one person come down.. come down. I cherish you.. I cherish you. Just say that you would do the same for me.. just say you would do the same.. for me that you would do the same for me. just say that you would do the same for me. For as much as I love Autumn, I'm giving myself to Ashes."

-fata short stories...